Breaking Up with the Boss' Son/Script
Jonesy: a football helmet "Alright boys. There's seconds on the clock. Davis just pulled a hammy and Cooper just peed his pants. Let's put the women and children to bed, and go looking for supper. TWENTY-FOUR! SIXTEEN! HUT HUT–" snaps a football into a stack of tennis ball cans. "WHOA HO HO HO!" Jen: "Jonesy!" Jonesy: "Hey." Jen: to push him out of the store "What are you doing? Get out get out get out!" Jonesy: "Hey! Watch who you're barking at! I'm a paying customer. I happen to be shopping for a football." Jen: "Oh, really? Okay c'mon, I'll ring you up." leads him to the counter. "Sorry. We've got these sales quotas here, and I'm kind of behind. Plus, the only cute guy who worked here quit yesterday. Now it's just me and the Crusher." The Crusher: a can against his head "Nyeaah! Na! Na! Woo!" attacks a mannequin. Jen: "He's an enforcer." Jonesy up "That'll be $32.60." Jonesy: "What? Do I look like I'm made of money?" Cute Guy: "Excuse me?" Jen: giggling "You're excused." the counter "Can I kiss you? Aah! Help you?" Jonesy: "Hey! You were helping me!" Jen: Jonesy away "If you screw this up for me, I will so make you pay." the cute guy's hand "So, I get off work at five." Cute Guy: "Yeah, me too. I'm Cory, the new sales associate here." Jen: gasping "Oh that's great! I'll show you around." Coach Halder: "Masterson! You've let down your defense. Jockstraps need reorganizing, aisle nine! Pronto! And don't forget to restock the extra-large ones this time!" Jen: "Right away, Coach. Excuse me." to herself "I hate my boss." Jonesy: offscreen "Yo, long bomb!" hits Cory in the stomach hard. Cory: "Oof!" Jonesy: "Touchdown!" ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Breaking Up with the Boss' Son' ---- ''carries some shoeboxes to the checkout counter and sets them down. Jen: Cory "The first thing you should know is the boss is a bonehead. We're talking first-class moron." Coach Halder: over, having missed Jen's statement "Ah! There you are, Masterson. I see you've found our newest employee." Jen: "Definitely." Coach Halder: "Cory here's following in my footsteps, and I couldn't be prouder! Isn't that right, son?" gasps. Cory: "You got it, Dad." Halder walks on. Jen: "The coach is your father?" nods. Jonesy walks past with some skates. Jonesy: coughing "Way to go." Jen: "Oh. When I said bonehead, I meant it in a really good way?" ---- gang are gathered around the table. Jen: venting "How can the most perfect guy in the universe be Coach Halder's son?" Jonesy: "He's not that great. I could take him." Jen: "Can you imagine kissing somebody related to the coach? If I went over to his house to watch a movie, I'd be at the coach's house!" Wyatt: "You've got a lot to say for someone whose dad wears white track pants." Jen: "My dad only wore those out of the house once! You guys just all happened to...be there..." Jude: "I dug that outfit, man." Jen: "Well what do you think, Nikki?" Nikki: "Personally, I've had it with slobbery high-school guys, but that's obviously just me." looks at Jason and Joanie. Jen: "He is really cute..." to a decision "What the heck! What's the worst that can happen?" and Joanie fall over. "Thanks guys!" ---- tests the microphone at Stick It and then leans over to speak into it. Jude: "Listen up, dudes, we're having a new contest. Choose the next food on a stick and win a prize!" Stanley: "I bet the prize sucks." Jude: "Nuh-uh. You could win, uh, a lifetime supply, of...free Stick-Its." Stanley: "You're not allowed to give prizes like that." Jude: "I'm the manager, I can do whatever I want." Stanley: "Okay. How about–hot dogs on a stick?" Jude: "Whoa. That's good." out a box "Put your entry in the box, and I think you have a chance, little man." shoves his hot dog into the slot and runs off, laughing. ---- and Wyatt are in Stereo Shack. Jonesy: "Hurry up, I can't be seen in this dweeb hangout!" Wyatt: "I just need an adapter so my MP3 player can read e-books." Jonesy: "Do you have any idea how uncool that sounded? There aren't even any hot chicks here." nerdy girl gasps. She then unties her ponytail and stands up straight, instantly becoming hot. Hot Nerd Girl: "Jerk." Jonesy: gasping "Man! The one time!" Darth: upset "Thanks! She was about to buy a new positronic calculator! I've got my eye on you." swishes his cape and backs away, watching them. Jonesy: "That guy gives me the creeps." Wyatt: "Aw, Darth's okay." finds his adapter. "Found it!" Jonesy: "Darth's okay? You say that like you know him." Wyatt: "I was in audio-visual club with him a couple years ago." Jonesy: "Can you even spell cool anymore?" looks over and smiles. Darth is being bullied by Blade and Christo. Christo: laughing "Look, man, he's wearing a cape!" Darth: "Laugh all you want. I control who gets discount cards." Blade: the cards out of Darth's hand "Ha!" them "Not anymore you don't! Geek!" Jonesy: Wyatt "Now that's funny." spots some lightsabers. He picks one up, powers it on, and begins to breathe heavily. Jonesy: Darth Vader "Wyatt. I am your father." Wyatt: "Jonesy. Look, don't touch, remember?" Jonesy: "Dude, would you relax? It's just a stupid toy?" puts the stupid toy through a speaker. Darth: the lightsaber "Okay. Option one: you pay a hundred bucks for the speaker. Option two: I call mall security." empties his pockets. All that comes out are a coin and a button. Darth: "Gee, a nickel and a button?" Jonesy: "Yeah, but that's a rare antique button." Darth: "Yep, mall security it is." Wyatt: him "Darth, buddy. I think I have a better idea." ---- is dressed in the official Stereo Shack uniform. Jonesy: "Who's the doofus that picked these shirts for the store uniform?" Darth: "Uh, that would be me? But feel free to add a personal touch. Maybe a cape!" Jonesy: "As they say in Russia, 'Fat chance, Igor!'" Wyatt "I can't believe you got me working here." Wyatt: "It's just until you pay off the equipment. Have fun with it!" leaves. Darth: "Shall we start you off with a lightsaber? All of my employees are trained Jedis." takes it and pops it out. It extends barely two feet. Jonesy: "Well I don't want this one! It's small!" Darth: angry "SILENCE APPRENTICE!!! You don't remember me?" Jonesy: "Nope. Can't say I do." Darth: "Atomic wedgies ring a bell?" Jonesy: "Hmm..." Darth: "How about pantsing me in front of the whole sixth grade?" Jonesy: chuckling "That was you? Man! That wedgie must have hurt! We pulled it over your shoulders!" Darth: "Yes, but now you're mine. Yes, MINE! YES MINE HA HOOOO CHA CH–" begins to cough uncontrollably and has to take a few drags from his asthma inhaler. ---- is behind the counter at the Penalty Box. Jen comes up to him. Jen: "Cory! Uh, hi. I wanted to ask you something." Cory: "Shoot." Jen: "Uh, this is hard. Okay, I was wondering if, like, maybe, since you like to eat and I like to eat, if you wanted to we could kinda like–" Cory: "Are you asking me out?" nods. "Cool. How's tonight?" Jen: "Really? I mean great. Great. Cool." phone beeps. Cory: "Look at that! Coffee break already." off "See you after work." Jen: he leaves "That was so easy!" ---- walks by the Stereo Shack. Ron: "Yo." Jonesy is bored. Jonesy: "This blows! We haven't seen a customer in two hours!" Darth: "Of course not. Everyone's at the astronomy convention today?" Jonesy: "Yeah. Everyone who's a loser." Darth: on his helmet and powering up his lightsaber "A Jedi Master must take advantage of slow economic activity to hone his fighting skills." practices with the sword. Jonesy: "You've never kissed a chick, have you?" Darth: "Do not mock what you can't understand, young Padawan." uses the sword to knock Jonesy's drink out of his hand. "Mastering the lightsaber is more difficult than it appears." Jonesy: "I'm the top scorer on the varsity hockey team. I think I can handle a toy sword." pops it out and is swiftly attacked by Darth. "Huh?" Darth: "Prove it." and Darth start to battle. Darth plays a mainly defensive role, simply blocking all of Jonesy's attempts. Annoyed, Jonesy decides to play unfairly, and karate-chops Darth's helmet so it swings around, blinding him. Jonesy: "Ah-ha-ha! I rule!" spins his helmet so he can see and rushes Jonesy. He smacks Jonesy's lightsaber away with one swoop and then gives the jock a wedgie. Jonesy falls down, defeated. Darth: "Ah, you begin to understand the error of your ways." Jonesy: "I can't believe I got my butt whipped by a nerd! Good thing no one cool was here to see it." Darth: "Oh, so you wouldn't want the security tape released then?" Jonesy: "Security tape?" spots the camera. "Ugh!" Darth: it on a widescreen TV "Don't worry. I'll keep the video safe as long as you do what I say." Jonesy: "So what you're saying is I'm screwed." Darth: cheerful "Like a lightbulb!" ---- and Cory are at El Sporto's. Cory: "...and so, that's how I got the MVP award in the 9th grade." Jen: "Wow. You've really been–" Cory: the game "Offside?!? Aw come on! Give the ref some glasses! Man." Jen: "Uh...right. So, as I was saying, I won–" Cory: "Sorry babe, just two minutes left in overtime. Shoot it! Shoot the puck!" sighs. ---- date has moved to the arcade. Cory is playing while Jen stands by idly. Jen: "Are you almost finished?" Cory: "Hold on, babe. I'm in the middle of the 4th here? You're having fun, right?" Jen: "Yeah, sure." Cory: "So uh, let's do a movie tomorrow. I was thinking Manly Fighters 2." Jen: "Never heard of it." Cory: "Lots of fighting and heads exploding? You'll love it! Now take over for me so I can get something to drink." Jen: "Oh, um, I'm not very good at this game." Cory: "C'mon, Masterson, where's your team spirit? And remember, it's not how you play the game, it's whether you win. Now push those buttons! Move, move, move!" leaves to get something to drink. Jen's phone rings. Jen: up "Hello?" Caitlin: "It's me! How's your date going?" Jen: "That's easy. It's the worst date I've been on in my life." ---- gang are gathered around the table. Jen: venting "We have nothing in common, he doesn't listen to me, and he's bossier than Coach Halder. And he's already asked me out again! I didn't know how to say no!" Caitlin: "Wow. I'm so glad I'm not you right now." Jen: "So I guess I just tell Cory we're not going out again." Wyatt: "Whoa whoa whoa, you can't just dump him." Jen: "Why not?" Wyatt: "Guys have fragile egos, and this guy's your boss's son." Nikki: "Wyatt's right. If he's a jerk, he could probably get his dad to fire you." Jen: "Oh no. You're right! I'm stuck with a jerk for all eternity!" Jude: "Hey, eternity is just a state of mind." Caitlin: "Well if Jen can't break up with Cory, why can't she get Cory to break up with her instead?" Wyatt: "Hello, because he likes her?" Caitlin: "Sure, he does now. But not when she becomes a psycho girlfriend and makes his life miserable." Nikki: "That's so diabolical it just might work." Jen: "Thanks, Caitlin!" Nikki: "It's amazing. You look so sweet, and yet it's like there's this inner cow that's just dying to get out. I like it." Caitlin: "Thanks! You're a total cow too!" looks at her oddly, unsure as to whether she's been insulted or complimented. ---- gang, with the exception of Jonesy, is walking Jen to the Penalty Box. Caitlin: "Now remember, the goal is to turn him off so much that he can't wait to dump you." Jen: "How do I do that?" Caitlin: "Mmm...I don't know." Nikki: "Beats me." Jen: "Come on, guys! I need you here!" Wyatt: "Ahem. Why don't you find out what guys really hate from the experts?" Nikki: "We don't know any." Wyatt: "I'm talking about us!" Jude: "Yeah, allow us to teach you Bettys a little something about the mind of the dude." Jen: "What the heck. They're guys." Caitlin: "We're listening." Wyatt: "Start by getting matching outfits. That'll turn him off big time." Jude: "Ah, nice opener, dude. And phone the guy, like, every fifteen minutes." Wyatt: "Tell him that you're dreaming about your wedding day, and what your kids will look like." Jen: "Right. This is good stuff!" Jude: "And use stupid pet names, like 'rasta-honey-party-munchkin.'" girls look at him. Wyatt: "Uh, try 'sweetie poo-poo-kins' in a baby voice. We hate that." Caitlin: "Really? Wow. I thought guys thought that was cute." Wyatt: "Uh...no." Jude: "Negatory." Jen: "Where's Jonesy? I'm betting he has things he hates too." Wyatt: "Well, I'm not supposed to tell you..." waits a beat "...but I will. It's too good." ---- is at the Stereo Shack, working hard on polishing a widescreen TV. Jonesy: "Very...tired...need...rest–" collapses. Darth approaches. Darth: him "Not bad, young Padawan, not bad at all." Jonesy: "You know, I gotta hand it to you, Darth." Darth: "Oh yeah? Why's that?" Jonesy: "You got me cornered. Making that videotape, that was pretty smart." Darth: "My IQ is 170." Jonesy: "I don't even have an IQ. But I was just thinking, maybe we can make a trade. There must be something I can give you for that tape." Darth: thinking "You're popular, right?" Jonesy: "As a chocolate bar at fat camp." Darth: "And you know a lot of...girls?" Jonesy: "A chick?!?" excited "Now that's my specialty! Tell me who she is, and I know I can get you a date." Darth: "Nikki." Jonesy: halting "That might be harder than I thought." Nikki: the store "No. Way." spots her. "Jonesy?" Jude: "Nice lightsaber, dude." Nikki: laughing "Oh no. See, this makes up for a morning of inventory with the Clones. The gods are just." Caitlin: "Oh it's my hero, Joan Solo!" Darth: to Jonesy "That's her." Jonesy: "Yeah, I know." ---- gang is outside the Penalty Box, giving Jen a pep talk before she heads in. Wyatt: "You can do it, Jen. Just focus." Jen: "Focus." Jude: "You've got a black belt in bad girlfriend kung-fu." Jen: "Kung-fu." Wyatt: "Now go smother him." rushes off. Jen: offscreen "Cory, honey, look! I got us matching sweaters!" Wyatt: "I think she's going to be fine." five start to leave, but Jonesy stops Nikki as she starts to follow. Jonesy: "So Nikki, got any plans tonight?" Nikki: "Not really. Why?" Jonesy: "Because I have got the best guy for you." Nikki: on "No." Jonesy: with her "He's really smart! He has a very, uh–interesting personality!" Nikki: "I don't do blind dates. Nice pocket protector, by the way." Jonesy: "Okay, look. This guy is absolutely crazy about you, and he begged me to set you up!" Nikki: "Let me think about it. No." Jonesy: "I thought you were spontaneous!" Nikki: "Why is this so important to you?" Jonesy: smiling "I'm just trying to help two good friends! What have you got to lose?" Nikki: sighing "Ugh. Fine." Jonesy: "Yes! You are a great friend!" off "Six o'clock, food court, see you there!" Nikki: "I know I'm gonna regret this." ---- and Cory take their seats at the theater. Jen: "Aww! We look so cute together in our outfits! I'll bet everybody noticed!" Cory: "Y-yeah. I guess so." about to take a bite of popcorn, but Jen grabs the tub away. Jen: "Hold on, there's butter on this. Didn't you get the message I left about healthy eating?" Cory: "I haven't had the chance to hear all of them yet." Jen: "Well, buttered popcorn is full of saturated fat. Oh look! There's Wyatt! Hi Wyatt! Look! I'm here with my new boyfriend! We're gonna be together forever, and ever, and ever!" Wyatt: "Congratulations." Jen: Cory "Aww! Sweetie-poo-poo-kins! Is everything okay?" Cory: "Sweetie...poo-poo-kins?" Jen: "We should have a talk. I want us to share our feelings." Cory: "But the movie's gonna start." Jen: "But I need to talk! Wait. You want to break up, don't you?" tears "It's that girl in the volleyball section, isn't it? I saw you looking at her!" Cory: gently "Are you kidding? You're like a dream come true!" Jen: irritated "Excuse me?" Cory: "I love how you look out for me. Making sure I eat right? And phoning me? Over, and over? And over? Aww, fuzzy-wuzzy-bunny-kins." Jen: coughing "Sorry. Uh, popcorn. Stuck in my throat. Be right back." leaves her seat. Meanwhile, Caitlin is riding on the escalator when her phone rings. Caitlin: "Hello?" Jen: "Caitlin, this isn't working! Cory likes everything I'm doing! Even the really gross stuff!" Caitlin: "Well that doesn't sound right. Maybe he's a girl-boy." Jen: "A what?" Caitlin: "A girl-boy. A boy who sometimes acts like a girl? This is serious. He could get attached. Abort, Jen, abort immediately!" Jen: "Too late! I thought you said this would work!" Caitlin: "Maybe you just don't have the touch." Jen: "Oh, I have the touch. I've turned off tons of guys before." hangs up. "Alright, Cory. I am now your new worst nightmare." ---- comes by the Stick It. Jude speaks into the microphone. Jude: "Hi! What'cha doin?" Nikki: "Hey! Hi. I'm just meeting a–friend." Jude: "Want to enter my contest first? Choose the next food on a stick, AND WIN! Check it out. We've got crackers and cheese on a stick, gum on a stick–you're good at inventing stuff." Nikki: "Yeah well, if I've nothing better to do after the world ends, I'll come back." Jude: "Cool." ---- enters Grind Me. She smoothes her hair and takes a deep breath. A voice calls to her. Jonesy: "Nikki! Ready for your date?" Nikki: "I guess so. Where is he?" Darth: up "The pleasure is all mine." Nikki: "GUH! Uh, what's he doing here?" Jonesy: "He's your date. The force is strong with this one." Nikki: "No. Really. What's he doing here?" grins nervously. "Wait. You're setting me up with Darth? Are you crazy?" Jonesy: nervously and backing away "You two uh, want milkshakes to start things off? My treat." Darth: "So, who's your favorite band?" Nikki: "Save it, Yoda. This is not gonna happen." Darth: sighing "I know. I mean, Jonesy only agreed to set me up with with you because of the videotape." Nikki: interested "Videotape? What...videotape?" ---- is in the midst of Frilly and Pink. Jen pops up beside him. Jen: "Oh! Cory! Isn't Frilly and Pink your favorite store in the whole wide world?" Cory: "I didn't even know it existed." Jen: up an item "I mean, look at this pink! Round, thing. And this frilly stick! Finally, someone to help me shop for teddy bears! EEEE! I have a collection! Isn't he the cutie-wootiest?" gasps. "Potpourri! My favorite!" runs over and sniffs it. Jen starts to gag, but holds it back. "So, having fun yet?" Cory: "I never knew how soft a pashmina was before." it "These would be so nice to have at those cold, early-morning football practices." Jen: "Un. Be. Lievable." ---- and Jen pass the Stick It, Jen loaded down with packages. Cory: "Did anybody ever tell you that you're a slow walker? Pick up the pace, Masterson!" Jen: "Oh, that is it." drops the boxes. Cory: "Hey–hey, what's the matter? Don't you like what I bought you?" Jen: gritted teeth "Yes. I've always wanted pink everything." Cory: "Aw, you're welcome." sighs. "Anything for my fuzzy-wu–" Jen: the boxes away "No. Stop right there. Cory, it's over." ---- is working to hook up the TV while Nikki stands by idly. Nikki: "C'mon, I thought you said you could do this." Darth: "You're kind of distracting me with your beauty." Nikki: "We're getting revenge on Jonesy, remember? Just concentrate on that." Darth: "I'm having second thoughts. Jonesy and I had a deal, and a Jedi Master is nothing without honor!" Nikki: "Did Jonesy live up to his side of the bargain? He set you up with a girl who thinks you're a freak!" Darth: it sinks in "Cool. I'm over it. Thanks." Nikki: up a wire "So, what does this wire do?" Darth: "Not that one!" electric shock hits them and flies through the mall, causing a power surge and a short blackout. It causes the microphone at the Stick It to come on right next to Jen and Cory. Jen: "You and me are through!" Cory: the mike "You're...breaking up with me?" Jen: "Oh yes." Cory: "But why?" conversation is being broadcast throughout the mall. Neither of them notices. Jen: "Why? Because I've had more stimulating conversations with a tree! You're completely self-involved, you like dumb movies, and you're a pushy little girl-boy! You suck, Cory Halder!" Nikki: "Okay. Maybe I chose the wrong wire." microphone squeals and burns out, and only then do the two notice it's on. Jen blushes. Jen: nervously "Was that my outside voice?" Cory: "Man, what a relief!" Jen: "Huh?" Cory: "I wanted to break up with you too." Jen: amazed "Shut up!" Cory: "Yeah, but my dad said you could like, sue the store for harassment, and told me to suck it up and take one for the team." Jen: "So you didn't really like all that girly stuff?" Cory: "Heck no!" Jen: "That's great! Hey, wait. Isn't taking one for the team a bad thing?" Cory: "Uh, usually! Seeya!" Stereo Shack, Darth is fixing up the broadcast. Darth: "Now that was the right wire." video begins to play. It is now showing on the mall's jumboscreen. Blade: amazed "No way." Nerdy Guy: "Go Darth!" is sitting at a table with the hot nerdy girl from before. Jonesy: "So uh, then I scored the winning goal in overtime–" date notices the video. "–it was awesome." date starts laughing. "I can see you're impressed." gets up and walks away. "Here's my number. What happened? What'd I do?" spots the video playing on the jumboscreen. "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Wyatt: "Nasty." rest of the gang has arrived with Darth. Jude: "Dude, you got rocked by that geek." laughs at Jonesy and moves on, stopping to wiggle his eyebrows at Jen. Jen: "Uh, I'm not dating for a while, thanks." ---- takes a seat at the usual table. Jen: "Hoo! That was a hard day at the store." Caitlin: "Kinda hard working with Cory now I guess, huh?" Jen: "No, he transferred to another location. Funny, he wouldn't tell me which one." Wyatt: "I just have to ask–how did you convince Darth to give you that videotape?" Jonesy: his head on the table "Do we have to bring up the tape again?" Nikki: "Enh, wasn't so hard. I just paid him the rest of the money Jonesy owed." Caitlin: "That was nice of you. I thought Jonesy was gonna work it off at the Stereo Shack." Nikki: "Oh he was, but he got fired. I guess he didn't have what it took to be a real Jedi Knight. Besides, paying Darth was such a small price for a memory that lasts a lifetime." holds up the tape. Jonesy: "That's it. Laugh it up. Just don't forget who has that picture of you tap-dancing in first grade." gasps. Nikki: "You do not." Jonesy: "Do too." out a photo "Oh, in fact–" Nikki: "Jonesy? Don't do it. I'm warning you." flips the photo to his friends. They look at it and start laughing. It shows a young Nikki in a tutu and ballerina shoes with huge glasses and a giant pink bow on her head. Wyatt: "Nice!" slugs Jonesy so hard he falls out of his chair. Jonesy is swift to get up and grab the photo. Nikki chases him. Nikki: "Gimme that!" Category:Season 1